Gold Lining
by D-chan
Summary: Sanzo x Goku :: sequal to Centralize :: AU, character death :: Five reasons to hate the rain, one reason to let go. Sanzo reflects on his past and finds himself revealing more than he ever intended.


**:: Gold Lining ::**

sequel to _Centralize_****

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki_

Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sanzo/Goku

Warnings: AU, angst, character death, shounen ai, some OOCness

Notes: Finally, got one of the sequels to _Centralize_ done. ^_^ Am very proud of myself.

The ending came out a bit more... sappy... and weird... than I wanted. I hope it's okay. x.x; I think it is, but then what do I know? ^^;

If you haven't watched Get Backers, you should. Random recommendation. The last episode was so full of yaoi it wasn't even funny. o_o;

Anyway. Just one or two more sequels/sidefics to go. Whee. ^^;

Reason number one: it was cold.

That was one of Sanzo's many reasons for his intense dislike of the rain. It was cold and wet, offering to shower him when he least wanted it. He hated cold showers because of the rain, and he hated the rain because it was a cold shower. At least where they lived, the rain was always cold-- except in the summertime. Then it was sticky and hot, which was twice as unpleasant. It was mostly cold, though, and that was why he hated it.

Reason number two: it was disgusting.

Maybe some fools found the rain to be romantic, but Sanzo couldn't see the appeal of water that had been recycled over and over before landing on the ground. Whatever water fell down was always carried back up, no matter where it had landed, and when it came back down it was even dirtier than before. He was honestly surprised the rain itself wasn't just dirt.

Reason number three: it was uncomfortable.

He hated the way it made his clothes stick to him. Even when he carried an umbrella, even when he wore a jacket, rain would always find a way to his clothes. It would soak him through, plaster his hair to his head, and make him want to take a shower as soon as he got home, regardless if he had taken one earlier that day. Also, like any water, it stung when it got into his eyes. It just sickened him to think that dirt was also in the same drops that fell into his eyes.

Reason number four: it was hard to smoke in the rain.

He needed his nicotine whenever his body demanded for it, and if it happened to be raining he didn't have a chance in hell of getting what he wanted. Even under a rain roof, he always found that the wind would inevitably blow his way and rain would put out the cigarette he had painstakingly lit. That caused him more irritation than he even wanted to think about.

Reason number five: it brought up bad memories.

The last reason was the simplest one of all. Every time it rained he always found himself thinking back on a past that would have been better left alone. No matter how much he wished for that, it simply wouldn't happen. It reminded him of how pathetic he was; how vulnerable he was; how weak he had been... and that he wasn't much stronger even now.

Staring out the window, Sanzo recalled something Goku had once said to him. He couldn't remember the exact words, but his brother -- adopted brother, actually; they weren't related by blood -- had said something about how he thought it was so ridiculous for people to be afraid of the dark-- after all, scary things could happen in broad daylight just as easily. It was cliché.

_Well, every dark and stormy night is cliché,_ he thought crossly, glaring at the drops splattering on his window as though they were to blame for all his problems.

In a way, that wasn't entirely untrue.

Despite their differences, there was one thing that Sanzo and Goku had in common. Both had lost their parental figures in a car accident. However, like their personalities, the circumstances were vastly different. Sanzo had only heard his brother talk about the car accident once; it had been in broad daylight, occurring due to the stupidity of a drunk driver.

The night his foster father had been killed, Sanzo had been thirteen years old. He could clearly remember that night; it was burned into his mind like a hot iron to flesh. From the smell of rain on asphalt to the colour of his father's socks, Sanzo could remember everything.

Water pelted the window, suddenly pouring harder than ever. Sanzo blinked, frowned, and shifted position.

When most children found out they were adopted since birth, they would throw a fit. They would become angry that they weren't told sooner, and several even did something so ridiculous as to look for their real parents. When Sanzo had been told, he was neither surprised nor angry. There had been very few resemblances between his father and himself. Also, he had been raised to not be so petty as to completely ignore the one who had taken care of him. Sanzo didn't know the reasons why he had been put up for adoption, nor did he want to know. The past was past. Koumyou Sanzo had raised him, not anyone else.

That was why he had been perfectly content with his life. He had been closer to Koumyou than anyone else; such a relationship was usually unnatural between father and son. While some put on an act simply to make it seem like they were a loving, wonderful family, Koumyou and Sanzo had never discouraged sarcasm and biting remarks that others would find troubling. It was simply their way of interacting. It was comfortable.

To have all that wrenched away because of one stupid night was absolutely infuriating.

Yes, in that respect he and Goku were exactly the same. Just two seconds of complete idiocy could completely rip apart the life someone once thought they knew. Once you settled into it, life could never change.

That was such a lie, and Sanzo felt stupid for ever believing it.

Even through the window he could almost smell the rain on asphalt. It was the exact same smell as nine years ago; that was one thing that had never changed over time. Unfortunately, it was one thing Sanzo wished _had_ changed.

It was a simple rainstorm, no thunder involved. It had been the same back then; pelting rain, no danger except to turkeys-- not that there were any live ones to be found in that town. In fact, the closest thing Sanzo had was the cold turkey in the shopping bag he carried. Koumyou hadn't really endorsed in cars, preferring the exercise (so he said) and the time to get a better view of his surroundings. No matter how many times he had seen them, he always seemed content, even happy, to look again and again.

Sanzo had never minded too much. Sure, the rain could be annoying, but it would pass soon. It had been gray outside on their way to the store and had only started raining halfway home. It hadn't been such a big deal; in five minutes they would both be home. Soon they would have been dry and comfortable, making dinner in companionable silence.

The cars speeding by never bothered him. It had never occurred to young Sanzo that he should worry about them, not in this safe neighborhood.

_"The rain certainly is relentless, isn't it?"_ he could remember his father saying. Even now he could clearly recall the amused tone, could remember the way the man's eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. It was rare to see Koumyou without a smile, whereas it was just as rare to see young Sanzo with one.

_"It'll pass soon,"_ he had said offhandedly, switching his grip on the bags in his arms.

Another car zoomed past, spraying water onto the sidewalk. _"Walk closer to the grass, Kouryuu, or you'll get the food wet."_

Kouryuu had been his childhood name, a name he had shed as soon as he could. It was another way of trying to get rid of bad memories, though it proved not to be as successful as he'd hoped.

He could remember rolling his eyes and saying heavily, _"It can't get any wetter than it already is."_ Even so he had obeyed, moving closer to the lawn they were walking past. He had accidentally stepped into the grass, nearly slipping, but managing to catch himself in time. He could still hear Koumyou chuckling just behind him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sanzo glimpsed something running through the rain. Looking again he saw that it was his brother running toward the house. So he was back from Nataku's-- and he was going to be soaked. Great. Knowing him, Goku would track mud all over the place again.

He wanted to smoke but didn't have anywhere to go that wouldn't get him wet. Grudgingly, Sanzo gave in to being deprived of nicotine for the night and continued to glare out the window. It was the damned rain's fault that he couldn't have what he wanted.

He heard the front door slam, far too loud for his liking. Closing his eyes briefly, Sanzo cursed the idiot boy. He couldn't ever remember slamming a door shut, at least not every day like Goku did. There was no need to. Koumyou had always been always able to tell he was home without his making a racket, so he never bothered.

Would he have slammed the door shut that day if he had been able to make it home? They hadn't made it, had been mere minutes away from it. So close and yet so very, very far. The irony was horrible.

The far-off squeal of tires hadn't alarmed him; even Koumyou hadn't seemed fazed by them. There were stupid drivers all over the place. Why worry about a sound heard at least once a day? It wasn't like it was anywhere near them.

Another car had sped by after that. The subsequent splash had missed both Kouryuu and Koumyou.

The pouring rain had let up to a light drizzle, just like it was now. Sanzo stared at it, watching the rivers pouring down the glass turn into little trickles. In his mind he heard the slap of sneakers against the sidewalk, two pairs of feet walking closer and closer toward their safe haven.

Five minutes...

Then the unexpected screech of bad rubber tires, the sickening thud of something large, hard, and heavy hitting a solid body. A short cry of pain, a jolt of fear, and then the horrible impact of something slamming into him, causing him to fall to the muddy grass. His head hit the pavement, and he had blacked out.

When Kouryuu had awoken, he had been in a hospital for nearly two days. His throat had been constricted and dry, his tongue thick, having the worst headache imaginable. It had threatened to split his skull not just in two, but in four parts. Reaching up to try to detect the exact spot the pain was swelling from, Kouryuu had discovered that a chunk of hair had been shaved from the back of his head. Later he would be told he had needed five stitches. His head had been sore and stung because of the bruises and scrapes on the back of his scalp.

His first concern upon waking up, however, was where Koumyou was. What had happened to him?

Feeling as though he had just woken up in that same hospital the second time, Sanzo rubbed his forehead and fell back from the window. He paused to listen; the house was disturbingly silent. For a fleeting moment, he actually wondered if he had imagined seeing Goku running across the lawn, imagined that he had heard the door slam too loudly.

Then a loud _thud_ sounded from the living room, as well as a hasty, "Sorry!" Rolling his eyes, Sanzo collapsed on his bed. He wasn't in the mood to deal with idiocy right then; he doubted he could even tolerate it as he usually did.

He fell asleep with the sound of rain reverberating through his ears, even though it had stopped a few minutes before.

Sunday mornings were usually very lazy, especially after a hard rain the night before. This Sunday was no different. The first thing on Sanzo's mind was to get a cigarette, having been deprived of it the night before. He was awake early, which was a bit unusual. Normally he could sleep in until seven, nine at the latest. Today he was up and about before five thirty, in dire need of nicotine.

The sun wasn't quite ready to rise. It would do so at its own leisure, predictably around seven in the morning. Sanzo wasn't prone to watch sunrises, as he was usually in the kitchen around that time, smoking and reading the newspaper. The sun didn't rise on that side of the house. Occasionally, if he was working particularly late -- or early -- he would see it on his way home. The occurrence was rare, but it had happened before.

He had gotten through half a pack of cigarettes before he felt the unexplainable urge to go outside. Frowning, he tried to ignore it, but the feeling persisted. His patience was tried quickly; Sanzo ended up throwing the paper on the counter and storming outside. He wasn't properly dressed, still just in a pair of jeans he had pulled on after waking up, but he really didn't care right then.

He took his cigarettes with him.

Outside the front door there was a small flight of stone steps leading from the front door to the driveway. They were still damp from last night's rain, stained with the musky smell that was a combination of warmth and drying rain. To his surprise, Goku was sitting on one of the steps. His brother didn't seem to notice him until the door shut.

Goku turned around, blinking. "You're up early."

Sanzo scoffed, pulling out his pack of cigarettes. "I could say the same for you. You're usually asleep until noon." It was a bit of an exaggeration, but not much.

"Only because I can't sleep at night. You know that."

Disturbingly enough, he did. A while ago Sanzo had noticed his adopted brother was prone to sneaking into his room at night. He never did anything weird, unless you counted his kneeling at the bedside and staring at Sanzo for hours weird.  The nighttimes trips had grown less frequent as of late, a change Sanzo was uncomfortably surprised to find he wasn't sure he liked or not.

Sanzo lit a cigarette. "That's because you're an idiot with a weird metabolism."

Goku said nothing to that, instead opting to turn away from the young man and return to staring at the sky. There were large, light gray clouds in the east, blocking the sun that was slowly beginning to rise. A few golden rays shone across the blue, highlighting the clouds' linings.

"Every cloud has a gold lining."

It was so abrupt and off-topic that Sanzo nearly dropped his cigarette. He was lucky Goku was turned away from him; he didn't have to catch himself so quickly. When he realized what the boy had said, he frowned.

"The phrase is 'every cloud has silver lining' if you want to know," he said, bringing the cigarette to his lips and inhaling.

"Looks gold to me."

Sanzo rolled his eyes. He should have known better than to expect an idiot to understand.

The rays began to fade, the gold on the clouds brightening until it was painful to look at. Only when the smallest curve of the sun began to show over the tips of the clouds did Goku turn away, tilting his head back to look up at Sanzo. His eyes were just as bright of gold as the sun, an unnatural colour for most human beings.

"Do you still hate the rain, Sanzo?"

Goku knew the rain bothered him. He hadn't pestered the man once after returning home last night, knowing it would only have gotten him negative responses. Once Sanzo had heard footsteps outside his door, hesitating as though unsure whether or not he really should bother him, but they had faded away again. Sanzo wasn't sure if he had really heard them; after all, he had been half asleep at the time. Even so, it wasn't unlikely.

He didn't answer right away. When he did, his response surprised himself.

"We're a lot more alike than you think."

Goku blinked. "What?" Of course he was confused; it wasn't a typical answer so a yes or no question. Sanzo closed his eyes briefly, struggling with the right words.

At last, he found them. "My father was killed because of a car accident, too."

The only sound after that was Goku shifting in his spot. His eyes had widened a fraction, but no more than that. He didn't look too surprised. "What about your mother?"

"Never had one." Sanzo pinned him with a stare, daring him to challenge his next statement. "I was adopted-- just like you."

Slowly, Goku pushed himself to stand. He took his time dusting off the back of his now damp pants, his eyes lowered to the ground for most of that time. He glanced up. "Being alike isn't such a bad thing."

"I don't want to be an idiot like you."

"And I don't want you to be an idiot like me."

Sanzo narrowed his eyes, but Goku met that with a smile. It wasn't his usual wide grin, just a soft, caring look that made the muscles in Sanzo's chest constrict. It was suddenly hard to breathe, and he knew full well it was Goku's fault, because he kept looking at him like that. He still wasn't used to it.

"The only thing I ever wanted was to know you." Goku stepped forward, not hesitant in his movements whatsoever. "Everything from bad to good, even the things I can't understand. I believe, personally, that relating past pains can ease the burden of them... even if you believe the opposite."

It wasn't that Sanzo believed the opposite; he actually realized that Goku was right. Rather, it was just that he didn't _want_ to relate his pains to anyone else. There was a risk involved, a risk of being hurt worse. He was too stubborn, too prideful, and far too afraid to even try.

But then... what was he doing now?

All he had to say in response was a typical answer, coming from him. "You sounded halfway intelligent there."

Goku shrugged, his eyes focused on a point just past Sanzo's head. It almost seemed as though he was studying the door as he asked, "Was he driving?"

Sanzo closed his eyes. _No. Some random idiot was driving. We were just walking. Things like that don't happen often. Unlike with your parents, it wasn't a common accident._ The words flowed easily in his mind, but getting them out was far too difficult for him to manage. He said nothing.

The first thing he had learned upon waking in the hospital was his condition. He had sustained a fairly bad concussion as well as a few scrapes and bruises on his body. The worst, aside from his concussion, was the fractured bone near his left elbow that caused his entire arm to be in a cast from above his elbow to his wrist.

The second thing he learned that his adopted father had sustained worse injuries and had died while Kouryuu had been unconscious.

Sanzo was unaware that he had tensed until Goku grasped his hand, pinching him in a tight grip. He controlled a wince and snapped out of the memory, glaring down at him. Goku met the gaze unwaveringly.

"Was it raining?" Sanzo didn't say anything, but Goku nodded as though he had confirmed his suspicions. "And that's why you hate it."

_Cocky little brat.__ I didn't say anything._

Still, he didn't deny what was true. If Goku wanted to think it was true without any solid proof, let him. What did it matter?

Goku brought their hands up, turning his eyes to their fingers as he laced them together. A boyish, almost smug grin crossed his face then. "What did you expect my reaction to be?"

Sanzo got a vague sense of deja vu from that. He could remember saying something similar to Goku when the boy had tried to, in his roundabout way, confess his feelings. _"So what do you expect me to do?"_ He followed Goku's gaze to the contrast of tanned and pale fingers. "The hell if I know."

"I'm unpredictable, then?"

"No, just so easy to read that I couldn't pick a single reaction to choose from."

Goku frowned briefly, golden eyes still locked on their fingers. "I see." Then he closed his eyes, leaning forward and bringing Sanzo's hand closer at the same time. His lips pressed to the man's knuckles, not really in a kiss, just in a simple touch that made the tightening sensation in his chest worsen. At the same time it sent a faint, almost soothing feeling throughout him. This was what Goku could do: make him feel relaxed and tense at the same time, make him react, make him _feel_. No one had been able to do that since Koumyou Sanzo had died. Perhaps _that_ was what drew him to the boy, whether he liked it or not.

And perhaps that was why he had chosen to open up to the boy this morning, just a bit. In the back of his mind he could see Koumyou's smile, gentle and amused, as though he were witnessing the two young men right now.

A bright light stung Sanzo's eyes; the sun had completely risen past the clouds. Scoffing, he pulled away from Goku, though when Goku refused to relinquish his hold on him, he didn't struggle. "I'm going to smoke. Let go."

"I will," Goku promised, still gripping the blonde's fingers tightly.

The image of Koumyou suddenly seemed to sharpen, the fuzzy edges fading so that Sanzo could see him with startling clearness. He could almost feel the man's presence, could nearly hear words meant only for him being whispered into his ear. Koumyou wouldn't spare him; when he gave advice, he gave it while making sure his comments had a certain edge that would embarrass Sanzo in some way.

Still... it wasn't such bad advice, especially from a dead man. Without a word more, Sanzo turned and opened the door, pulling Goku along with him inside. When Goku's grip finally started to loosen, Sanzo's tightened briefly. Startled gold met piercing violet; Sanzo glared as though daring the boy to say anything. Goku blinked until the meaning sank in, and then he grinned.

That morning was far different from any normal morning, promising many abnormal mornings to come. Strangely enough, that sounded like a nice change.

"Sanzo?"

Even though the smell of rain clung to the boy Sanzo found that he didn't mind quite as much as usual. He shook his head slightly to snap himself from his daze, and when he spoke his voice was rough.

"Come on, then."

In his mind's eye, Koumyou smiled at him one last time.


End file.
